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Script: First scout walks out to center stage looking depressed. Scout 1: I'm a reporter. I have been for 12 years. And in all that time, I've never had a real scoop. Never. I'm a failure. I've done this long enough, so now I'm going to jump off this bridge and kill myself. One, two, ...

Scout 2: Wait! Wait! Why are you jumping?

Scout 1: I'm a failed reporter. I've never had a real scoop."

Scout 2: Oh. You think you have it bad, I'm a truck driver, and I've got hemorrhoids. I think I'll join you.

Scout 1 & 2: One, two, ...

Scout 3: Wait! What are you all doing? Scout 2: We're committing suicide. Scout 3: Oh, I'm a grade school teacher. I just realized that I can't stand whiny little kids. I think I'll join you.

All: One, two, ...

Scout 4: Wait! What are you doing? All: We're committing suicide. Scout 4: Well I'm a florist, and I've got hay fever. sneeze! I think I'll join you.

All: One, two, ...

Scout 5: Wait! What are you doing? All: We're committing suicide. Scout 5: I'm a Park Ranger and I hate camping. I'll join you.

All: One! Two! Three!!! (They all jump, except for the reporter.)

Scout 1: Four people jump to their grisly deaths! What a scoop! (He runs offstage, scribbling furiously on his notepad.)